The home of Critic, Writer and Film-maker: Liam Walters

Review: Fred the Movie

Even calling this thing a movie is giving it more credit than it deserves…

Okay, so I’ll level with you… I knew this movie was going to be horrible. As soon as I heard about it, I first tried to figure out how on earth any respectable film company would allow such a thing to even be conceptualised… Then I remembered that most film companies gave up respect a long time ago in exchange for profit. My next thought went along the lines of “This is going to bring about the end of the world”, and so went on a journey to try to find myself and what would lie beyond this current existence… Unfortunately, being a poor student, I didn’t have the funds to travel around Europe, India or China… So my journey consisted of walking around the campus twice and a quick visit to the local shop.

So after I found myself (turns out I was inside myself all along… How ironic), my third thought was “Well then… That sure is going to be a complete crapfest of a film”… And quite depressingly, the thought afterwards was “I’m going to go see this film”

I would like to point out, I only watched the film so I could review it… So lets hope  this review is worth the £4.80 it cost for the ticket… It probably wont be, but I have to be optimistic (as hard as that is after having seen the onslaught of the apocalypse which is Fred: The Movie.

The problem with reviewing this film, is that it’s not a film so bad that its laughable… It’s just bad, and has no real reason for even existing. It’s not entertaining in any way, shape, or form. It is in no way creative, in this universe or the next. Really, the only thing this film seems to be made for is profit, and it didn’t really do that good a job at that.

On it’s premiere, the film only drew in an audience of 7.6 million, which is really quite small in terms to film premieres.

So what about the characters? Well, there’s Fred, who I’m going to stay away from for two reasons.

A: I don’t want this review to have more profanities than any other words.

2: Well… Its Fred, from Youtube… The annoying little twonk, who only makes you smile when he’s in pain.
I don’t really even want to get into the other characters. Pixie Lott as Judy was a somewhat weird cast, but fair enough as it as a supposedly profit making film. Jake Weary as Kevin was substandard at best, along with Siobhan Fallon Hogan who plays Fred’s unsympathetic mother.

In all honesty, theres maybe… 3 characters in the whole film that are somewhat likeable. Bertha , played by Jennette McCurdy, who plays the sympathetic friend. Derf, a weird rocker guy who can appear somewhere unnoticed. Unfortunately, this character is ruined due to the fact he is also played by Lucas Cruikshank (who also plays the role of Fred). The last one, and agreeably the best character in the film… Although with this film, it is both a miracle that a character can be liked, yet not hard at all to be the most liked when you have the co-actors that you do… But the best character by far is Fred’s Imaginary Dad, played John Cena. I must admit though, the only reason why I like this character is because he, on multiple occasions, causes his son to be in pain.

The story of the film is boring at best. Judy moves away and Fred goes to track her down. For most its a simple bus ride, but as this is Fred, we go on a hilarious journey.*/Sarcasm*

Fred finds out Judy is happy and in fact has thrown a party, to which he was not invited to. He throws his own party and uninvites everyone, aside from Bertha, and they make a film pretending it to be the best part eva!!! (note the sarcasm again).

importantly, as this is Fred: The Movie (God rest our souls), the movie works and everyone is jealous,m and wants to be Fred’s friend.

I’ve never wanted to walk out of a film before this movie… But… If this film has done anything positive… It’s this…

I saw and reviewed Fred: The Movie… And survived…

This makes me indestructible… I have stared death in the face, and he blinked. I have seen the most godawful, abominable, atrocious, careless, cheap, cheesy, crappy, cruddy, crummy, defective, deficient, dissatisfactory,  dreadful, erroneous, fallacious, faulty, garbage,  grungy, icky, imperfect, inadequate, incorrect, inferior, junky, lousy, stinking, substandard, synthetic, unacceptable, and unsatisfactory film to be ever made…

Written By: Liam Walters


One response

  1. Nichola

    This made me laugh A LOT.
    I wasn’t planning on, but I will now definitely make sure I will not go see this film.

    December 21, 2010 at 17:29

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