The home of Critic, Writer and Film-maker: Liam Walters

Fiction: What I Wouldn’t Give


[ Written By: Liam Walters ]

I looked forward, on the horizon a distance away, to where the sun had taken my one beloved.  A soft breeze flew through my hair as I wrapped my arms around myself. I was filled with a great sadness, but I did not feel alone. I knew a part of Seth would always be with me; the Seth of my memories, now once again reawakened. I could still feel the warmth of his body on mine as I now knew… I would forever treasure these memories, deep inside my heart, until the day I would take my final breath.

I leant against the tree, listening as the breeze blew through the leaves and grass, hoping to one day join that breeze, and travel over that horizon where Seth now rested…But not today; and as the wind carried my final tear from my face, I turned to walk back home, and I knew…

One Sunset Earlier

The light shone down as though it cascaded through the dark clouds that ruled the skies,  illuminating the area around us. The gentle breeze blew through the grass and around us, swaying the skirt that I was wearing.
A deathly silence had fallen between us, as we waited for the other to come up with a solution… But that wasn’t going to happen. There was no solution, no way to fix this… As what was happening now was the solution, to a problem we did not know existed.
“Elizabeth… Its okay…” Seth whispered gently, but his eyes betrayed his words, as I saw the fear in them, of what was to come… The unknown.

All this started so long ago… A time I barely remembered, out of fear of bringing back the pain… But now my sight had been cleared, and I remembered that dreadful day from so long ago…
‘Meet me by the oak tree. We will watch the sunset together’ He said with his little grin, and off I went, with a blush on my cheeks and my heart thumping rapidly.

I reached the oak tree, and looked skyward. I saw the dark clouds, ruling the skies, a day that was so very much like today… A terrible day… and I waited… I waited but he never came… And so I left.
I neared a road as rain started to fall from the sky. A crowd of people caught my attention… I was drawn in. They were stood around, with sad expressions on their faces. I saw a body, laying limp on the floor… At first it didn’t register… My mind tried to block out the image of the face… But it was too late. I ran and dropped down beside him, tears springing from my eyes… That’s when I saw it. A little sparkle several feet away from his body… And engagement ring. I wrapped my arms around his limp body, holding him tightly, as I lost myself to the tears…

And then… I forgot.

I left college, but had no decided future. I was lost within myself, repeating the same mundane activities. Get up, work, watch TV, and go to sleep. I didn’t have friends… Not even family…
Sometimes I would break the mundanity, going to the train station and pretending to wait for someone, then going for a slow walk, near the old oak tree which seemed to always surround me in a chilling dread, and this carried on for a few years…Until that day…
I was surprised to see another person there. This had always been my spot, a secluded little area. But that look on his face, a peaceful, calm look on his face, which rested my soul and soothed the dread that the tree radiated.

“Oh, hello there.” The boy said with a weird grin, turning to look at the twilight sun.
And that’s how it started… The boy at the oak tree, and never anywhere else. The boy who always showed up when I wanted him to… The boy that seemed to keep me calm, and put a smile on my face when no one else could… How? How could he be real, I wondered. I know now that some answers are better left not known.

“H..How long do you have?” I asked in a whisper, my body trembling slightly.
“I have until the sun sets” Seth answered, turning to look at the sun, which had already begun its decent.
Tears formed at my eyes; I was loosing him again… And this time it was so much more painful, having to watch him all the way.
“The sun shall set… And darkness shall sweep the plains… And I shall fade away… Returning to the light from whence we came.” Seth softly spoke, as he began to break my heart.
I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him, crying into his chest
“Don’t go! You can’t leave me! Not again!” I screamed at him, tightening my grip around his clothes, as I felt his arms wrap around my body to embrace me.
I felt drips on my cheek, as I realised… He was crying.
“You think I want to go… You think I wouldn’t try anything just to be able to stay here!” He said, his voice cracking with every other word.

“What I wouldn’t give to hold your hand. To run with you in the shining sun, or to sit with you whilst watching the summers rain. What I wouldn’t give to smell your hair, to hear your name, or to see you lying with me, beautifully bathed in the mornings glow. What I wouldn’t give to share every
moment of my life with you!… What I wouldn’t give.. Just to hold you… Right here right now… In my arms.. And be able tell you that it’ll be alright…” Seth said frantically as his grip tightened, with more tears streaming down his face.
“What I wouldn’t give.. To never have to say goodbye” Seth whispered, through his clenched teeth,
as the wind picked up all around us.

“I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry. If I never… If I just…” I said as I began to break down. It was all my fault… I wasn’t strong enough to let him go. So I locked away the memories, kept them in the back of my mind, creating the chains that held him to this earth.
“Don’t be… Don’t ever be sorry for that… I love that I got to spend this time with you. I got given extra time, and I cherished every single moment of it. But I just don’t want it to end! It just can’t end like this! Not here! Not now!” Seth shouted, hiding his face behind mine, as we once again fell into silence.

We just stood there, held by the other embrace, held by the feeling of never wanting to let go, in fear we may never embrace again.
As the last bit of light began to disappear, I also felt him begin to leave. I could almost feel myself falling through him.
“N..No… I don’t want to go…” Seth said, now obviously scared.
I placed my hands softly on his back as he looked at me. I kissed him softly on the lips, before whispering in his ear.
“Dance with me… One last time”
Seth nodded, and placed his hands on my back, as we gently got into a rhythm of soft dancing.

Before the accident, we danced a lot. We loved to be held in each others arms, slowly moving to the sound of music. It wasn’t so much the dancing, but the feeling it created between us. A strong, loving feeling of being with each other, never wanting the music to stop, never wanting to separate.

This was now our final dance. There were no music, just the two of us and the setting sun, which had almost disappeared beyond the horizon. We were not thinking, just caught up in the emotion of each other, our hearts beating beautifully in unison.

“I will always remember you… I will always love you” I whispered gently, putting up a brave front… but it was too late. He was gone, and I was on the floor, as I began to cry away the rest of my tears away, as I could hear his final whisper on the wind.

“Goodbye; Elizabeth Hill, my love”

I looked forward, on the horizon a distance away, to where the sun had taken my one beloved.  A soft breeze flew through my hair as I wrapped my arms around myself. I was filled with a great sadness, but I did not feel alone. I knew a part of Seth would always be with me; the Seth of my memories, now once again reawakened. I could still feel the warmth of his body on mine as I now knew… I would forever treasure these memories, deep inside my heart, until the day I would take my final breath.

I leant against the tree, listening as the breeze blew through the leaves and grass, hoping to one day join that breeze, and travel over that horizon where Seth now rested…But not today; and as the wind carried my final tear from my face, I turned to walk back home, and I knew…

I could finally live again.

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2 responses

  1. Pingback: Ramble: Writing Fiction (Or a lack of) « [ Cybaria ]

  2. Pingback: Fiction: Rain Prompt « [ Cybaria ]

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